


War of Foul Words

by adumbparrish



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, This is actually ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adumbparrish/pseuds/adumbparrish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam was contemplating whether going to jail over a pen was worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	War of Foul Words

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually ridiculous and everyone should check out foul-o-matic everyone  
> I still do not own The Raven Cycle

Adam was contemplating whether going to jail over a pen was worth it. _Jail’s not that bad and how long would I even be there for? 5 years maybe? Assuming that I’m charged with Involuntary Manslaughter. Although then I’d have to make it look like an accident but how hard would that be? Ronan does stupid shit all the time._

Adam was trying to be reasonable, he liked to think of himself as a fairly easy going guy. But Ronan Lynch had mastered the art of using up people’s patience.

Ronan hadn’t touched a nerve, he’d cracked a spine. He hadn’t crossed the line, he had leapt over it like a gazelle running away from a lion who hadn’t eaten in days. Lynch hadn’t pushed a button, he’d smashed the button and typed out a 14-page research essay titled How To Piss Of Adam Parrish.

Honestly, it was proof of Adam’s good natured-ness that Ronan’s head wasn’t in a ditch in some foreign country _I could hide the body in a forest-wait no we found Noah’s body in a forest so that’s not going to work maybe I should ask Mr. Gray...This is ridiculous I am not going to kill Ronan over a pen I mean-_

Then, as if the bastard had heard his thoughts he clicked Adam’s pen.

Once

Twice

And then he began to click the murder squash song

_Homicide it is then, young children will be told urban legends of Adam Perish the boy who went mad and drowned some punk in mayonnaise, hmm mayonnaise that could work but where the hell would I get that much mayo? Also mayonnaise is expensive and I would smell like it for weeks_

The pen in question was incredible. It was a deep emerald green and wrote like a dream. The ink flowed out of that pen like the water in the Aral sea once had, it was a masterpiece and gave Adam a sense of satisfaction, Adam adored that pen. He had spent long hours, writing until his hand became stuck in position, with that pen.

He’d be damned if he spent another second without his beloved pen.

He marched up to the bastard’s desk.

“You scrotum sock” and thus began the war of foul words

“Barf Puppet”

“Nipple Clamper”

“Soggy Toast Licker”

“Colon Fucker”

“Cow udder fonDLER” A hush had fallen upon the cafeteria.

“ASS SHINER”

“DOUCHE WAFFLE” Adam was screaming now and his voice echoed across the room

 

“HITLER’S PERSONAL DICKWHISTLE” Gansey’s eyes were wide with horror.

Then Adam delivered the final blow.

“ASS HOLE PIPER” There was complete and utter silence for a solid minute.

Until the entire student body erupted in applause.

Ronan looked at him in shock. The king had been usurped by a newcomer.

Adam nodded his head slowly as if to say _That’s right Lynch I beat you at your own damn game_

Ronan bent his head downwards in shame and walked out of the cafeteria.

 _Oh, hell no_ thought Adam _I did not do this, I did not check out library time to go onto urban dictionary to not get my pen back_

He ran to the exit, which took longer than it should have due to the mob of people trying to congratulate him. There were pats on the back, knuckle bumps, and praises all around.

“Shit, man didn’t know you had it in you”

“I though Lynch was untouchable”

“Douche Waffle, classic”

Adam noticed money being exchanged and idly wondered how many people had bet on him, if any. He finally made it to the exit and headed left, towards Ronan’s locker. He found the boy at the water fountain, they made eye contact and Adam tried to give him the stink eye.

Ronan started laughing so hard that he choked, after the coughing fit ended Ronan said

“I cannot believe I lost to you”

“Well you did, so give it back” This banter was fun and all but Adam needed that pen.

“What?” Ronan’s eyebrows furrowed, his face did not look as annoying when he did that.

“My pen” he dragged out the words to make their meaning clear.

“Christ, that’s what this was about? Next time do me a favour and just ask for the pen. Like a normal person.” He held out the magnificent writing utensil.

“I’m not going to loan it to you again, there’s not going to be a next time, so don’t worry about it,” Adam snapped and reached for his prize.

“Oh, well then that changes things,” Ronan said and swiped the pen from his grasps. “This pen is now far more valuable now.” His lips curled into a smirk, now his face looked far more annoying.

“What do you want Lynch?”

“Let’s go to Nino’s tonight?”

“Wait what?”

“I’ll be at St. Agnes by 8, wear something not stupid” Ronan said, his smirk transforming into a grin as he tossed the pen towards Adam.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
